never Miss a beat

Lady Gaga has today released a 14-minute mini movie that could potentially comprise the greatest pop video of all time. Yes, I just went there.

Giving the video my full attention and repeated death-by-Marry-The-Night viewings, I’ve discovered a great deal of reference points. Taking a dangerous leap into the mind of Gaga, I try to decipher exactly what was inspiring the aritiste extraordinaire…

As many have for some time suspected, Lady Gaga is BONKERS. Therefore, Marry The Night begins in a mental asylum. In addition to uniting herself with Post Meridian, I reckon Gaga was also trying to marry Girl Interrupted with Sucker Punch. Potentially.

Sporting a Liza Minnelli haircut and un penchant pour francais, Gaga lies in a hospital bed channeling the Million Dollar Baby as if possessed by Damien, The Omen child. That’s not enough though. Gaga also throws in a bit of A Very Long Engagement’s (or should I say Un Long Dimanche De Fiancailles’) WW1 shell shockery. As the camera pans out on the hospital ward, it’s M*A*S*H* meets the musical Annie.

Black Swan is an easy reference point for any pop video ballet-dancing scene but Gaga mixes things up by stealing some pumps from the stilt Walkers in Star Wars. And that, ladies and gents, is called dancing to the death.

Gaga’s bedroom scenes are Hitchcockian, definitely Rear Window-era. It’s absolutely not Psycho as Gaga indicates a preference for baths over showers, showing off her love for their maximum splash effect. Gaga’s pre- or post-bath (it’s hard to tell) bed-ridden stupor is a bit Requiem For A Dream. Except even barmier.

Moving on to some classic music video Flashdance shtick, Gaga does her thang in the lobby of a grand room, much like Fraulein Maria might have done on entering the Von Trapp family home.

Parked outside are Lady Gaga’s Knight Rider-esque wheels – now wreckage of some fiery explosion. Nobody’s sure quite how this has happened but Gaga’s got stuck in the roof, butt sticking out, Louboutins high in the air… one can only imagine what she’s been up to. Perhaps she’s had a crash like Arnie and the T-1000 in Terminator 2? Or maybe Ghostface came back from Scream 2 to butcher another cop car? Or maybe (just maybe) Gagz was inspired by Q Magazine’s Cheryl Cole cover shoot… Whatever the case may be, Gaga occupies that car like Catwoman would the Batmobile were the upholstery lined with catnip.

A street-dancing Fame segment is interspersed with images of Gaga in an old mansion, sporting a My Fair Lady hat with which she previously tried to get into that flaming car. Audrey HepBURN.

The parting shot is The Devil’s Advocate. Gaga thought that what Al Pacino was missing in that movie was a massive Sky satellite dish masking his Oscar-winning face. And some Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon-style levitating skills, of course.

All in a day’s work at the Haus Of Gaga.